writers block

Ok, so I really haven't had writers block. I've thought every other day or so that I need to update my blog, but it just hasn't happened. I guess some weeks are just like that.

This past week was a little more overwhelming than weeks past. Its starting to feel more and more like home and I'm feeling less like someone who's just visiting. I'm learning my way around and how to get to places, although i'm not driving yet its still good to know your way around! I'm getting used to communicating with family and friends through skype and email. It's hard to explain in some ways, but it just feels like this is normal now. Of course every once in a while I think, oh my gosh I live in Australia...its still crazy when I think about it. I realized a lot this week with why this adjustment has been harder on me than I thought. For starters, i've been very independent for the last 7 years or so. I went from working full time, supporting myself, living in my own house, having a car, etc to living with family, not driving and having to be driven everywhere, etc. I know its not that big of a deal, I think personally for me its just harder to rely on other people because i've been used to having to do things on my own. But I certainly think its a good lesson i've needed to learn, to let go of the control a bit and rely on others. I also have to keep reminding myself that this is just temporary, one day i'll be my independent self again.

I think since deciding to move here I've been surrounded with all the exciting and happy feelings where as this week I was hit hard with the fear of everything. I was really homesick one night and talking with a friend from home, it was one of those moments where I thought "what the hell am I doing?!" you know...I quit my job, moved 10,000 miles away from home, that could not have been the smartest decision. I was telling my friend that sometimes I feel like I can't do this, but she reminded me that I already did. When in all reality she's right, the hardest part is already over. I already made my decision, said my goodbyes, got on the plane, and now i'm settling in here. As far as the fear part goes, its scary starting all over. I honestly can't remember a time that i've had to start all over like this. I mean, from high school I went to college, which just happened to be with people I went to high school with. When I graduated college I ended up moving to Little Rock where I knew a bunch of people from college.Yes, I know people here and have been making friends but its hard starting a whole other part of my life one that my family and friends from back home in the states won't really know about just like my life back in the states that no one here really knows about. Its a scary feeling. I know in some ways i've held back because I'm afraid of failure, afraid of loving it here and not wanting to go home, afraid of building relationships with people here and maybe leaving one day. But I can't let the fear take over. As scary as it may be starting all over, its worth the risk. I would much rather take risk in life than have regrets later on.

So, change of subject...on the job front, well not a lot has changed. I've been really discouraged the last few days with figuring out what to do about working. Part of the "problem" is since I only came on a 1 year working holiday visa most people don't want to hire someone they think will only be here for a year, which I completely understand. I've been debating on what to do with the teaching thing, which I think i've decided to go ahead and work on that. To be honest, I love teaching thats what i've always felt my calling is. I know maybe I could learn to do another job and maybe love it, but its hard to think about doing anything else when i've already had a career that I love and know i'm good at. So, I guess we'll see what happens. I'm still praying though and I know the right thing will come along.

Sorry I have no photos to share. I'm not sure i've taken any in the last few weeks although I've actually been "busier" than normal. I went to work with my cousin one day last week, it was good to get out of the house and of course get to see what she does all day. I got to tag along with Scott last Tuesday for work, he had to go up north to a town called Salt Ash to look at some properties. It was a fun little day trip, I love getting to see more of Australia. I also ventured to Hornsby last week, its a town in between here and Sydney. They have a Westfield which is basically a huge mall. I may not be spending money right now, but its nice to window shop. I guess its a lie that i'm not spending money...I bought a pillow yesterday. No, its not just any pillow. Its an arch pillow, which i'm guessing is an Aussie thing because I had never seen them until I came here. My cousins have them and love them, and I just had to have one. It's amazing!

I would love to tell you about how wonderful the weather has been but the last week it has just been down right yucky! Its rained a lot and been very overcast. I think we really only had 1 sunny day last week. But from what i'm hearing having a wet spring is good because it helps prevents bush fires in the summer. I usually don't mind the rain but its starting to interfere with my laundry schedule and my running. I already don't like running outside and I really don't like it when its wet!

Hope everyone has had a restful weekend :)